We Voice Our Lament
Matt Frizzell, Human Resources Ministries director
O daughters of Israel, weep over Saul…
How the mighty have fallen in the midst of the battle!
Jonathan lies slain upon your high places. I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; greatly
beloved were you to me… -2 Samuel 1:24-26, excerpted
I felt the expectations of manhood growing up. Don’t cry. Control your feelings. Tolerate pain. Even in the 1980s, I felt pressure to “man up.” It was acceptable to look down on boys who cried easily or complained too much.
It wasn’t hard to turn the tears off. I got used to it. At first, it was freeing. I could push through bad feelings without drama. I felt more grown up. But in my late teens, I realized I felt numb inside. Things that should make me sad, angry, or hurt didn’t. I shut certain feelings off. The effects were subtle. Something that made me human and whole was missing. I turned to other things-smoking, eating, and overthinking-to feel better.
I spent my 20s learning to have healthy feelings again. I had things to lament. I had broken relationships, a broken family. I had seasons of depression. I presented as a happy person, but behind the depression was anger, and beneath the anger, tears. I learned to feel the depth of them. It took time.
Living in Chicago, Illinois, I ministered with our church family and friends of the church on Chicago’s Southside. My family and I were loved and welcomed by the African-American community there.
At a funeral, I was graveside. The deceased spouse grew up as a Baptist in the South. She followed that funeral tradition. As the service ended, the casket was lowered bit by bit into the ground. She wailed loudly with every inch her love descended. Her wailing echoed through the cemetery. The pallbearers and her wailing followed a litany. She was mourning. She lamented. It was not a performance. The funeral tradition she grew up with held wisdom about the healing power of lament and expression of deep feelings.
I mourned with her. I would deeply miss “Deacon Rounds,” as we called him. I would miss his royal blue suit, his catchy smirk of a smile, and his presence at church every Sunday.
I remember the tie he gave me for church, and a tear escaped my eye. I opened my mouth and groaned to voice the feeling running down my cheek. Together, we lamented. God was there.
Prayer Phrase
“Led by the Holy Spirit, we work with God and others to restore peace (shalom) to creation” (https://www.cofchrist.org/enduring-principles).
Spiritual Practice
Embodying God’s Shalom
Find a way to express and embody God’s shalom. Begin by prayerfully listening to your longing for peace and wholeness. Become silent and imagine you can hear the groaning of the Earth’s people, nations, and creatures. Prayerfully open yourself to God’s yearning for peace and the divine vision of shalom.
What images, feelings, and words come to you? What prayer for peace comes to you from your time of listening? Speak or write this prayer. What act of justice, kindness, healing, or peacemaking does God invite you to consider this day?
Today’s Prayer for Peace
Engage in a daily practice of praying for peace in our world. Click here to read today’s prayer and be part of this practice of peace.
